Confidence and self esteem.
I know this topic has been talked about a million times. By a million people.
And sometimes i’m gonna be honest, i get a little sick of people talking about it, and people always putting this sad little story about bullying and how they got over it, and it’s a jorney, and it’s a day to day struggle, and you know what i think?
I think, and correct me if i’m wrong, people are really hiding behind this and enjoying being the victim.
Now hear me out, cuz i know that sounds really mean.
But i’m beggining to think, people having low self esteem and hating themselves is just an easy way out. Why? because people hate being honest, much less with themselves.
And accepting who you are takes a lot of honesty, a lot of looking at the way you act, and the things you do, and accept why you do things the way you do, and why is it you believe what you believe. And lastly it takes believing the ultimate truth that everyone is different and you will never ever be anyone other than yourself.
I’m not perfect, not even by a long shot am i close to being perfect.
Never was, and when i was younger i was hotter than i am today, and you know what? i love myself more now.
And i do love myself, sometimes i don’t particularly believe in myself, right now i’m unneployed and that can make u kick at yourself like nothing else, but i don’t hate myself cuz of it, makes me scared sometimes to think what if i run out of money before i get a new job, what if i have to rely on my father, which i hate cuz i’m too damn proud to rely on people, and trust me my father is the last person to lean on.
However, why do i love myself more now? i know ME better, i’ve overcome everything (there goes the sad stories), i’ve been the good girl with the heart smashed to pieces, i’ve done the smashing, i’ve cheated a LOT on people i’ve loved, and on people i couldn’t give 2 hoots about. I’ve been mean to people, i’ve been nice, and generous, and selfless, and giving and loving.
And just for the record we in Venezuela get bullied all our lives and we bully back and then just call it even, no moaping around, i can’t count the amount of rude nicknames and name calling i got all my life, and trust me i got a LOT more than just name calling.
I’ve broken relationships and friendships, i’ve grown to love and like people, i’ve hated with everything i have.
But mostly, i’ve been always honest, always true to myself, and i look into the mirror and i see ME always. Cuz i don’t love like everyone does, i don’t believe in the same things everyone does, to me there are things that are fundamentally wrong and they’re not to others, and that’s always been in my head, i don’t need to be accepted, or loved or liked for anything other than myself, i have been mostly honest with every single person i have ever met in this life.
And believe this to be true, there is people out there who would gladly see me in the mud, make no mistake being honest will not always bring you friends, but i have found that as long as you are willing to love people for who they are, you will have people love you, the real you.
So to people who stare in the mirror every day with hate in their eyes, i say this: why in the hell would you love everyone else and not you? You are the one person you are stuck to the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with you, everyone is different, and everyone in this world is both hated and loved.
And i am begining to sound like every teen magazine out there, but is true. There are things i would change about me, my weight mostly, and maybe my confidence comes from knowing no matter how fat i have a pretty face, but it will fade, i’m also smart, kinda funny, i can love so deeply i would die for those i love, i can hate just as deeply and, generally people wouldn’t say i’m nice, but that’s ok, because i’ve always accepted me for who i am.
Wish i was easier to deal with, but there are people out there willing to try the hard road, just as i do for them.
I’m never gonna tell people to change, because who you are is right, is the way you are supposed to be, accept yourself because it would make things easier, and stop playing the victim, and waiting for people to notice, love, or admire you to accept who you are.
Acceptance is the key to confidence, it’s what i think.
And to quote the magnificent Rupaul: “if you don’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”